rejected hallmark cards

1. i always wanted to have someone to hold,
someone to love. and now that you've come into my life...

(inside card) - i've changed my mind.

2. i must admit, you brought religion into my life...

(inside card) - i never believed in hell until i met you.

3. as the days go by, i think how lucky i am....

(inside card) - that you're not here to ruin it for me .

4. congratulations on your promotion. before you go....

(inside card) - will you take the knife from my back? you'll probably need it again.

5. happy birthday! you look great for your age....

(inside card) - almost lifelike!

6. when we were together, you said you'd die for me...

(inside card) - now we've broken up, i think it's time to keep your promise.

7. congratulations on your new bundle of joy....

(inside card) - did you ever find out who the father was?

8. you are such a good friend. if we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket...

(inside card) - i'd miss you terribly and think of you often .

9. your friends and i wanted to do something special for your birthday...

(inside card) - so we're having you put to sleep.

10. looking back over the years that we have been together, i can't help but wonder.....

(inside card) - what the hell was i thinking

11. i'm so miserable without you...

(inside card) - it's almost like you're still here.

12. thank you for being part of my life.....

(inside card) - i never knew what evil was until i met you!

13. congratulations on your wedding day!...

(inside card) - too bad no one likes your husband.

14. how can i say this....

(inside card) - your cooking kills me

15. hooray.....

(inside card) - you're divorced.

16. i just want you to know that i'm sorry for what happened...

(inside card) - especially since you survived.

17. congrats on getting married...

(inside card) - it's not everyday you decide to ruin your life.

18. someday i hope to marry...

(inside card) - someone other than you.

19. we have been friends for a very long time...

(inside card) - what do you say we stop?

20. love means never having to say "i'm sorry"...

(inside card) - i'm sorry, i don't love you at all.